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Lots to update this time. Superlongentryofdoom! - To play it safe is not to play.

May. 23rd, 2011

05:44 am - Lots to update this time. Superlongentryofdoom!

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Well, life has been... pretty fucking phenomenal. :D

Richard and I have been so happy and good to each other lately, it's wonderful. The past week or two, I have been happier than I think I've ever been in my whole life. My eyes are opening and I am learning how very simple it really is to just be happy and enjoy life. All this time it has been this easy.... it is just a matter of being open to feeling it, and that certainly has taken me a while.

It seems that this polyamorous lifestyle is quite fitting for me and Richard so far. I have been online a lot, talking to and getting to know a variety of interesting people. I find the lives and loves and sexualities of other people absolutely fascinating and I am determined to explore as many other worlds as I can, and discover all the ways in which we can bring pleasures and fulfillment into each others' lives. I am on a sexual journey of sorts. I have decided.



I went on my first few dates this week! The first one was with a boy named Kam. We met up at a diner and talked for hours. We'd been texting, photo-swapping, and messaging each other online for a couple of weeks before we met. He is bisexual and polyamorous as well. He lives with his boyfriend, and his boyfriend's boyfriend, he has a four-year-old son named Ion (with a woman who is now a lesbian -- they share custody pretty fluidly it seems), and he is eight years vegan. He's a total caring sweetheart, but also a very sexual (kinda kinky) person and I'm quite interested to discover all kinds of things about him, in addition to what he's capable of introducing me to. His boyfriend (Adam) is also bisexual, but hasn't dated any females in about twelve years. Kam has been trying to help coax him out of his shell and introduce him to women, get him more comfortable with approaching and dating, as well as being sexual with them. In an effort to lend a female role to break the ice, I have a date with the two of them tonight, actually. We'll see how that goes. :) I am definitely attracted to Kam (not sure yet about Adam), but I am also excited for the prospect of getting to know him and gaining his friendship. So far, we click beautifully and really like each other. We can talk for a really long time which is refreshing. I imagine a future of close friendship and sex, and it is wonderful. Haha, we shall see where reality takes us.

.-.-.-.-.

Another boy I have to gush about is named Lance. I met Lance close to a year and a half ago, and we liked each other then. He's tall, gorgeous, extremely adventurous, funny, very sweet, and really comfortable to be around. He is a close friend of a poly couple I started dating a bit last winter (who have since moved too far away to see more than twice a year), and I was always very attracted/drawn to him. We originally met online, so my adoration for him began by stalking all over his okcupid and facebook profiles. Haha. He has done so much traveling and adventuring, it fascinates me. He also has this face... I can't explain it. Something about his smile and eyes totally capture me. He is definitely open to polyamory as well, but doesn't have a ton of experience with it either, which is oddly refreshing. He says he isn't looking to settle into a relationship with anyone right now, so being poly is almost irrelevent I guess. Anyway, a couple of weeks after he and I met and went out a couple of times, he left for Korea... for 14 months, for a teaching position. I watched his profiles here and there for updates and photos and to keep in touch, but I didn't imagine he and I would actually end up seeing each other when he came home. He's been back for about a month now, and I've seen him three times. He had messaged me on facebook to tell me he was home and to admit that he hoped we could pick up where we left off... I hopped up and down and squealed a little in my head, and agreed. :) I am discovering that he feels much the same way about me. He came to a party we had at my house a couple weeks ago, and that was fun. He and I and Katy and Richard all ended up snuggling on the couch at the end of the night. My how I love group snuggles... *sigh*

Anyway, we also went out earlier this week, on a date (he made fun of me for labeling it... but it was ;P). We went to a thrift store to snoop around, started making out a little, and left for a park along the river. We drank a few beers on the playground and made out in this cool little sculpture playplace thing for a while, and talked a lot. He showed me how he can pick locks, we broke into the emptied and abandoned bathroom building (which STUNK), and then hung out by the water and made fun of retarded-looking ducks. It was a pretty great time. After that, we got food and talked some more, there was lots more connecting, and then came home to hang out with Richard and his buddy Eric until Lance had to go to work. Unfortunately, he ended up not having to go in at the time we previously thought... so he ended up hanging out at home with the boys for an extra couple of hours without me, because I had to leave for a dinner date I had made when I thought he'd be at work by then. :/ Oops... Anyway, he didn't seem bothered by that and they had fun so that makes me happy.

Then, the other day, Richard was in Garden City with his buddies for a M:tG tournament and was gone from 4pm until almost 2am, so after spending a few hours at Biggby visiting Katy, I went home, and Lance came over to keep me company. We immediately started making out on the couch... but eventually it ended up in the bedroom. We've both had a build-up of sexual attraction toward each other for almost a year and a half, so.. that kinda took over. Hah. Sooner or later we got a little nervous about the entourage that was to arrive at my house any moment, so we dressed and hung out in the living room, drinking and talking and connecting some more. Eventually Richard came home with three other guys and they played MORE Magic at the dining room table while Lance and I kept hanging out and watching movies. I kicked his ass in Tetris and Dr. Mario on the SNES... but he got mad. It was hilarious. So we watched Teen Wolf instead (which was awesome!), and he stayed until about four in the morning drinking four loko, lol. He very sweetly (and a little awkwardly) made sure to be really respectful toward Richard, even shook his hand and hugged him goodbye. The poor thing had a date with another girl six hours later to take her to Frankenmuth for a beer tasting festival. He did have a great time I think, but he was hungover... I almost felt bad. Hehe.

.-.-.-.-.

Mikey is the name of the boy I went to meet after my date with Lance. :) Oh man, he was super duper cute! Very sweet, too. And a bit nervous. He and his girlfriend are very newly poly, and they haven't really ventured out yet. He said I'm the first girl he's seen since he's been with her, and that he was a little uneasy because his girlfriend didn't know we were out together. Apparently she had recently changed her mind and told him she was okay with him dating but that she didn't want to hear about it. So he and I agreed that it was NOT in fact a date (I did NOT let him pay) and we hung out at Ram's Horn for a couple of hours and talked. We both agreed that he should talk to his girlfriend about having met me (her name is Stacy) and make the next get-together one with all four of us. I have a feeling we'd all hit it off pretty well. She and Richard both went to school for behavioral psychology, and based on what Mikey says, I bet they'd have a lot to talk about. Most of all though, I want to make sure she really does want a polyamorous lifestyle before I see Mikey again alone. Like I said to him, if she wants to pretend you're not dating other women, then she probably isn't okay with you dating other women. Perhaps, though, she is just having some early poly jitters or insecurities (which I now understand). If that's the case, I would love to talk to her and see if I can help her make the mental and emotional transition, based on my own experience. It would be awesome if she and I could be friends (or if she and Richard hit it off).

.-.-.-.-.

I am so in love with the way I've been feeling! It's been like a veil was lifted, and now I see life so much clearer. I'm watching myself grow and become a person deserving of the things that I want, and I am then finding those things making their way into my life. I see what I want dangling in front of me, and I am taking it. It is phenomenal. And Richard and I have been nothing short of incredible! Since I've begun spreading my little poly wings, our relationship has felt a lot lighter and happier. Almost as if a weight was lifted. I guess, in a way, it was... We've both been relieved of being the sole carrier of each others' sexual and emotional baggage, so to speak. On top of that, both of us feeling desirable to others and the excitement associated with having new love interests have made for a euphoric and sexually charged revamping of our relationship. It's amazing what a feeling of true freedom does to me. I am enjoying and appreciating him in so many new ways, and remembering some of the things I've always loved about him but started taking for granted. Every day I find myself wondering how I got so lucky to have found a man this loving and trusting and open-minded... I am finding so much joy simply in knowing that this man is my partner, in life, love, and play... and that is an incredible feeling. :)


Man. Even I'M going to get sick of this superhappyhippiejen. Haha. Sorry for getting my sappiness all over your computer screen, but I'm a happy fucking camper and I don't give a fuuuu--!


EDIT: It's taking me forever to write this thing... "tonight" has already come and gone, haha. Katy came with me to meet with Kam and Adam, and we had a blast! We got fancy food and beer in Royal Oak and then walked around and talked for a long time. It felt very natural being around them both, especially with Katy there. She really helped make the situation as comfortable as it was, and I would LOVE for all of us to hang out together a bunch. :) Adam was a total sweetheart, and even paid for everyone's meal. We really got the chance to talk, about polyamory and a lot of other things, and I'm feeling pretty great about the whole thing. He isn't generally my type, but he made me feel very at ease around him. He is also an attentive listener, actually asks questions to get to know you, and is a lot of fun! I will definitely be seeing them both him and Kam again soon, hopefully with Katy along again as well. :)