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To play it safe is not to play.

Aug. 23rd, 2013

06:01 am

I Am A: True Neutral Human Druid/Rogue (2nd/1st Level)

Ability Scores:







True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.

Secondary Class:
Rogues have little in common with each other. While some - maybe even the majority - are stealthy thieves, many serve as scouts, spies, investigators, diplomats, and simple thugs. Rogues are versatile, adaptable, and skilled at getting what others don't want them to get. While not equal to a fighter in combat, a rogue knows how to hit where it hurts, and a sneak attack can dish out a lot of damage. Rogues also seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to avoiding danger. Experienced rogues develop nearly magical powers and skills as they master the arts of stealth, evasion, and sneak attacks. In addition, while not capable of casting spells on their own, a rogue can sometimes 'fake it' well enough to cast spells from scrolls, activate wands, and use just about any other magic item.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Oct. 3rd, 2011

07:51 pm - I believe the most important thing in your life is your health.

Woke up with a cold of some sort today, so I went to the Vitamin Shoppe to pick up some oil of oregano and echinacea/goldenseal, which were recommended to me by friends. I've also had five cups of green tea, gargled salt water twice so far, and used my netti pot this morning. I'm determined to take care of my own health without going to the doctor, if possible.

I'm also trying to start writing and journaling more frequently, thus the reason for this mostly pointless entry. Forming a habit, you know.

After seeing a very informative documentary or two (watch Forks Over Knives if you get the chance!), I am learning that a primarily vegan diet can SEVERELY reduce (if not ELIMINATE) one's risk of most cancers and heart disease. Scientists discovered that you can turn cancer on and off, based on the amount of dairy and meat in your diet -- 20%+ turned ON cancer growth, and 5% or less not only turned it off, but began to reverse cancer. So the rest of my pride and I have decided to incorporate a LOT more plant-based whole foods into our diet, and keep the animal products to a minimum. I love my cheese, but it turns out dairy can be very harmful... it actually CAUSES osteoporosis (due to its acidic nature, which leaches calcium from our bones to re-balance our body's pH), in addition to cancer. At least, according to the research of the scientists in this documentary. Drinking milk just doesn't make sense, and this knowledge has caused me to thinking several times over about my massive cheese consumption. I'm surprised how easy and interesting it has been to become more vegan over the past week or so. I urge anyone reading this to look deeper into the health benefits of a whole food plant-based diet, and to stop listening to the people who lack dietary training and make money off of you being sick. Doctors don't know anything about nutrition, and it is not in their best interest to actually cure you of all of your ills - that would put them out of a job. Keep that in mind.

All the chopping and cooking I've been doing with fresh/whole ingredients (all kinds of new veggies and grains) has inspired me to start making my own bread. I love the idea, but I've never made bread before... I've got dough rising right now, and I'll be making a loaf or two of Italian bread tomorrow. If it works out, I'll move on to healthier whole grain breads, as well as vegan dessert breads (zucchini, banana nut, blueberry, pumpkin, etc.). I'm crossing my fingers!

Oct. 2nd, 2011

03:05 pm

What is wrong with me?
Been feeling very... off, lately. The past few days or weeks have found me becoming increasingly detached and depressed.
I don't like myself today.

I wish I were capable of communicating with others appropriately.
I wish I could talk to someone.
And no, it's isn't you. It's me.

I just want to cry.

Sep. 30th, 2011

03:18 pm

There is a part of me that has been with me since birth. More likely, long before that.
The primal side. The lower brain, where instinct and action reside, absent of higher human thinking. Without the ego. The portion of all of our brains and souls (of our selves) that we share with the rest of the animal kingdom, beneath "logical" thought. The part of us that knows better than our "rules" and laws and courtesies that exist only for the sake of remaining peaceful as an over-populated species packed too tightly into its territory. The part that feels its connection to the All.

My primal side is rising within me.
I've known my animal nature all my life, but never gave credit to it as I am finally beginning to. Never recognized it as an important, beneficial part of who I am, but it is.

I've begun to explore my animal. It feels so natural, but at the same time it's proving a bit more difficult than I expected to turn off the higher brain.

I feel like a lion forming a pride.
Cole and Jess are likely going to be moving in with me and Richard. We are forming a poly household much sooner than I ever expected, but I am all in. I am so excited!

All of my lovers support my primal nature.
The other day, Cole and I really delved into the sexual side of it. I growled and snorted into his ear, and bit and clawed him until marks were left. (I can't even explain how sexy those looked on his skin when we were finished.) His own animal took hold of him first, and he took me with him, guiding me along the way. It wasn't an easy journey for me, but it was a huge step. To let go and be the older, natural version of myself. And the sex was fucking incredible... He has a powerful beast within him that most do not see on the surface.

Richard has been so accepting of my animal tendencies since I began showing them to him. Never makes me feel silly or crazy or abnormal when I approach him on all four and rub my face on his leg, or purr into his ear, or lick his cheek. He doesn't fully understand where it comes from just yet, but that is okay. He's accepting it, and enjoying it, and learning from it. I hope that I can show him his one day too.

One day I will understand both halves of my Self well enough to join them in my consciousness at once. This is shall be an exciting adventure. :3

Aug. 17th, 2011

09:45 pm - so much love...

Wow. So... a lot has been going on in my life since my last update. So much so that I've been putting off updating at all because there's just so much to include. As usual, hah. I'll abbreviate this as necessary.

I realized today that I totally forgot about the fact that I was supposed to have jury duty last week... :/
I don't particularly want to participate in that whole corrupt system anyhow, but I swear I honestly did forget, and had planned to go. I'm kinda just hoping nothing comes of it, but I wonder if I should be trying to "make up for it" somehow. Hmm. Oh well.

I've been attending several get-togethers with the various poly folk I've been getting to know, and this weekend I'm having a fairly large party of my own - poly and mono people included. I'm so excited! Can't wait to get everyone in one place and just have some free-form FUN.

The most significant thing going on in my life right now has been an unexpected path along my poly journey: I've fallen head-over-heels in love with a boy.

His name is Cole, and he came out of nowhere. I couldn't begin to describe to you all of the ways he has already begun to awaken my spirit and bring clarity to my mind and emotions. He's the most beautiful creature... I firmly believe we've come into each others' lives for a reason. He's among the most intelligent individuals I've ever met, and he has the passion, dedication, and sensitivity to match. It's incredible... he understands me better than I even do sometimes. He has been on my mind more than anything else for the last month or so (it's kinda sad, really, hah). I am so excited to see what will develop between us as time goes on and we learn and explore more about each other. Our relationship is based very strongly in exploration, freedom of expression, and the strong connection we have to each other. When we are together, in each others' physical presence, I am consistently amazed at the strength of our energy. It's primal and animalistic... It's this intense feeling of oneness that I'm sure I'm failing to do justice in describing. I feel very strongly drawn to him, and I can often be found touching him by any means necessary, heh.

What's more - he and Richard LOVE each other. They get along beautifully and are becoming great friends. Cole is actually a perfect mix between the two of us, and has helped us to understand each other (and therefore BE) better than we ever have. There isn't anything going on between them romantically, but I am happy as can be about their relationship, even separately from myself.

Remember that girl who spent mine and Richard's anniversary evening with us? Turns out she is Cole's long-term partner. :) Her name is Jessica, and she and I have been developing a very strong bond with each other as well. We have striking similarities to our personalities and thought processes, but of course we differ as well. We have learned that we have a very strong psychic bond, which is pretty amazing. We did a telepathic experiment in which we went 10-0 recently... and it felt completely natural. She, Cole, and I have been spending time together when we can, and the amount of OPENNESS between us is astounding. We are all very focused on complete (radical) honesty, and the connection of our energies. I'm excited to explore the dynamic that all four of us have (Richard included - he's been away on trips for a fair bit of the time we've been together, unfortunately).

So far the three of us have had some really fun and exploratory sexytimes together, and I hope to expand that to four soon, now that Richard doesn't have any weekend trips planned in the foreseeable future.

I'm very happy about the formation of what seems to be a "poly group" surrounding me. :D This is something I've been longing for since January of last year, when I met my first real-life polyamorous couple and fell in love with them. (Remember Syd and Mike? I'm actually going to be seeing them again soon, they'll be in town next weekend!)

In fact... I've almost been in disbelief about all of the love and beauty that has come into my life so suddenly. Today I was struck by the fear that I might inevitably fuck it all up somehow. It brought me to my knees and into tears. I don't want to allow my mind to go in that direction, so I won't loiter here, but the fear is present. Perhaps I should push it out of my mind, or perhaps I should challenge it and overcome (something I'm learning from Jessica). We shall see.

In other news!
As predicted, Carol had her beautiful baby girl on her birthday, August 8th! :D I haven't met little miss Madeline yet, but hopefully I will get to see her and mama soon. I received the picture message of that little face which confirmed her arrival into the world JUST as I was pulling up to Nicole's house for another poly get-together. I BURST into tears in the car and had to show everyone the picture when I got inside, even though none of them know Carol. Haha. I'm so happy for her and Clinton, and I've been wishing them all health and happiness and sending them love when I think of them. It must be really hard to handle such a big change in one's life... I can only imagine. <3

Since my last post that mentioned getting sun-sick, I've lost about ten pounds and have been struggling to put it back on since. I'm not sure what is going on exactly, but I have never weighed this little in my adult life and it's freaking me out. I have no appetite, but I am eating anyway... but it's not doing anything. For some reason, my body is more apt to lose weight these days than to maintain as I always have. I know ten pounds doesn't sound like a lot... but when you're as small as I am, it's pretty scary. it took me nearly a month to have the energy to leave the house more than once every other week or so. I don't really get to talk to many people about this for fear of judgement and lack of understanding (most women get kinda pissed to hear me "bitching" about being skinny, and that pisses ME off, to be honest), so please refrain from close-minded statements in this forum if you can.

I'm leaving a lot of details and occurrences out of this post, but I mentioned what's been most prevalently on my mind. Feel free to ask me any questions, I know I didn't explain a whole lot, and I know some of you are interested in understanding the workings of the polyamorous lifestyle. So, yeah. :)

Thanks for reading! More love to come. <3

Jul. 12th, 2011

11:40 am - oh what a terrible updater i am...

How about a list? I'll be at it all night otherwise:

Was randomly invited to BEST PARTY EVAR (gathering of phenomenal poly/kinky folks from the internet)

Learned a new party game!

Proceeded to drink entirely too much...

Wandered off and had sex with the host's boyfriend in their guest room. ;P

Follow-up party tonight, with addition of new rule: more people take their clothes off. :) It's an underwear theme, by my suggestion. Seven people I superlike will be there, besides my boyfriend.

Had our first date with another couple! Mikey and Stacy are great, they came over and played (non-dirty) games with us and watched comedy until 6am. They're very freshly poly, so we're all new to this together! They were also at the poly party (per my invitation) and will be there tonight as well.

Attended Carol's BABY SHOWER. Cannot believe we're all gonna be mamas already! :D

Been squealing and squirming in my seat with excitement to meet baby Madeline when she comes out next month!

Hoping to see Carol at least once more before she pops out said baby so I can grope the belly and give her my support.

Richard and I have been together for one year, as of July 6th. :)

An incredible (and very sexy) girl from said poly party happened to arrive at our house that evening and entice the two of us into mostlynakedcuddletime with her. That was a LOT of fun, and pretty much the perfect anniversary present for our relationship.

WENT TO ALL THREE DAYS OF DEMF! Only paid for one. Had sooo much fun!

Decided to go to as many music festivals as I can afford/sneak into. Because dancing makes me happier than almost anything.

Been sick since The Movement (what they call DEMF now). :/ Allergies lead to sinus infection which turned into the incredible respiratory infection of doom and destruction. Been fighting it for about a month and a half now.

Had a terrible camping/tubing trip this past weekend with Richard, his family, and our buddy Eric. Stubborn boys suck.

Got SUNBURNED as FUCK on my front half, because SPF 15 isn't that strong, and reapplying (even several times) to WET skin isn't the best idea.

Also got sun poisoning, in my non-professional opinion. Fever for a day and threw up on the way home. Too fatigued to stand for very long.

Which bring me to today:
Trying to regain my strength, health, and energy to go to polykinkynerdapalooza part deux with my new friends at 6:30! :D Wish me luck!

May. 25th, 2011

07:50 pm - Just wanted to say...

I am glad that a few of you seem so interested to hear about my poly journey. I'm really enjoying being able to give the curious-minded a window into what it's like. After all, the thing that originally BEGAN my journey years ago, was stumbling across the LiveJournal of a random polyamorous woman documenting her experiences. I was so fascinated to discover that my wildest fantasies were actually being practiced, ethically and happily, in the real world... by real people. It was possible! My admiration for polyamory grew from there, and I because of that, I am now discovering a freedom and a happiness I never truly believed I would find before I found it. I like to hope that perhaps I can pay that forward and be a similar catalyst for someone else. Help someone else to change the path that's been laid before them into one they've paved themselves.

Aside from the prospect of helping others, it really helps me to sort out my thoughts and feelings about things by writing it out, reading it back to analyze, and also hearing the feedback of others.

So thank you. For reading, for being open-minded, and for your inquisitive and encouraging comments. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about what I'm going through, in a "world" that is generally not very approving of such things.

That is all.

May. 24th, 2011

04:16 pm - Take Two!

Richard just left for a play date with a girl he used to see, so I thought I'd take the time to post about how I'm feeling. :)

I'm very happy to say that I'm feeling pretty good about the situation. They haven't seen each other in a couple of years because she's been in the military and lives far away anyhow. They had gone to college together for a while, and had a semi-relationship that seems to have been mainly sexual. She's in town for about a week and she wanted him to come out to fuck her last night, but he and I had previous plans so it had to wait until this afternoon. She was texting him most of the night instead, saying very dirty things, and I had a lot of fun being able to spy on their conversation (with his permission) while he and I talked more about our status and the situation with this other girl. It was definitely a turn on to see someone else as turned on by him and what he does as I am, to read the naughty things she was saying to him, and to watch/read him talking dirty back to her. He did a wonderful job of making me feel in the loop, and giving me the attention I needed as well, so I felt pretty comfortable about it all. I was able to fight the little jealousy twinges pretty easily, and they were seamlessly replaced with arousal. He and I ended up having a wonderful sheet-wrestling match that he certainly won (but really... when he wins, we both win ;P). I went to sleep feeling quite happy about where we are as a couple and in our lives.

Anyhow, he's with her right now and I am still perfectly okay with that. Hell, I am SMILING right now. Believe it or not, I'm really just glad for the pleasures he'll be able to enjoy that he might not have otherwise had the chance to experience today. If he tries anything we haven't done together yet, I hope that he'll introduce that to me too. ;) That's part of the beauty of an open status, in my opinion. You have the opportunity to learn new things to try with other partners, and potentially enhance your primary relationship (if you have one) in the process. I noticed last night, even, that the excitement of talking to another girl got him in the mood to be a little more adventurous in bed with me than he usually is. Win-win!

For anyone wondering what my thought process is, I remind myself that it is just play. They are having fun and enjoying each other, and that is not a threat to me in any way. He and I still love and want each other just as much, and he would not give up his life with me to be with someone else. As long as I know those things, I have nothing to fear, and so I don't anymore. :)

I'm looking forward to hearing about his date when he gets home in a couple of hours, and seeing if I can keep this positive attitude about it, no matter what he tells me. I think I am certainly up for that challenge more so than I've ever been!

May. 23rd, 2011

05:44 am - Lots to update this time. Superlongentryofdoom!

Well, life has been... pretty fucking phenomenal. :D

Richard and I have been so happy and good to each other lately, it's wonderful. The past week or two, I have been happier than I think I've ever been in my whole life. My eyes are opening and I am learning how very simple it really is to just be happy and enjoy life. All this time it has been this easy.... it is just a matter of being open to feeling it, and that certainly has taken me a while.

It seems that this polyamorous lifestyle is quite fitting for me and Richard so far. I have been online a lot, talking to and getting to know a variety of interesting people. I find the lives and loves and sexualities of other people absolutely fascinating and I am determined to explore as many other worlds as I can, and discover all the ways in which we can bring pleasures and fulfillment into each others' lives. I am on a sexual journey of sorts. I have decided.

The long-winded details of my recent dating adventures.Collapse )

May. 14th, 2011

02:17 pm - poly wally doodle...

So, I have been getting to know several new people over the past couple of months, via the internet, texting, and photo messaging. I would say that there are about three or four men that I am currently courting most seriously, but nothing too exciting has happened yet. One of them joined us during a party recently so Richard got to meet him and I got to have some couch-pile-snuggle-time, and I plan to see him again very soon. I also have a coffee date this afternoon, actually, with another. I will update later about those details, because I'm far too lazy at the moment and I don't have a lot of time before I've got to get going. For now, I will just say that I am having lots of fun exploring, Richard and I are pretty excited for the near future, and I will leave you with a silly little quiz I came across on a fetish site. I agree whole-heartedly with the last sentence of the summary. *nod* ;P

boredommmm...Collapse )

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